Blog 1743 – 07.02.2020
Goldilocks And The Three Bears
Goldilocks And The Three Bears
It is an old story not just about B & E (Breaking and Entering) but about being difficult to please, and that is not just a little girl thing. We all deal with expectations and can find ourselves if we are not mindful getting so picky that we are never pleased with anyone or anything. It is a miserable place to be and not just for us but those who love us as well.
My dear Mama was one of those deeply unsatisfied and unhappy people for as long as I knew her, almost fifty years including the first few years of which I have little memory, that I recall anyway. Like most little boys, I wanted so much to make my mama happy. To hear her tell it, my dad and all of us failed miserably, and though she called me her sunshine, I was painfully aware, that even I never lived up to her demanding and unreasonable expectations. My mom has been gone almost twenty years and just a few days ago I heard my wife say, “I wish your mama had loved me.” I replied to her that I believe Mama’s real problem was that she did not love herself and did not measure up to the unrealistic expectations she had for herself nor did anyone else really.
I have thought long and hard on this subject for I believe that we inherit not just hair and eye color from our parents but their attitudes and mindsets as well. Mom had, as many of us do, a tendency to blame her problems on outside things and people in particular. In her pity play my dad often played the fall guy, along with poverty, place, and other people. As a young person my mom got deeply involved in one of the major “guilt” religions quite popular in the Bible Belt she grew up in. As young people do, she made a few foolish mistakes and I think she never could forgive herself and was therefore equally hard on others, sadly the ones she loved most of all. For a great deal of my life I, too, was a part of that “guilt” religion and not a very happy camper myself. But, I did finally and utterly reject it having no place in my life for the continual guilt, judging and condemning of myself and others that is such a big part of that kind of religion.
In the house of the three bears in today’s story there was three of everything and the first two things Goldie tried were always off one way or the other, the third somewhat illusive one always seeming “Just right.” I do not think we have to accept lives where only a third of the people, places or things are okay. It is never a problem of people, places, or things really so much as it is a one person perspective problem. And on religion, loving God or others is never the big problem as “guilt” religions teach along with the error that “self love” is wrong. It is really the opposite. Learning to love ourselves is what this life lesson is really all about. Those who have learned to have no trouble loving everybody and everything. That is the true religion that I used to hear them sing about when I was a boy, “the old time religion that makes me love everybody.”
Unlike my wife I have always known that my Mama loved me. I just wish that she could have loved her self better and been happier. It is my hope that twenty years into a new life that she has already figured that out and is having the time of her life.
I love you, Mama, wherever and whoever you are. Enjoy the sunshine, moonlit and cloudy skies, all three. Contrary to little Goldilocks, it is all good.
Your friend and fellow traveler,
The Greatest Love Of All