Blog 1344 – 05.15.2018
Boys Will Be Boys And Girls Will Be Girls, Nice Arrangement
My pathway contrary to Helen Steiner Rice’s poem has always been strewn with beautiful flowers and I expect it shall always be. Pictured above is my collection of zipper-pull girls. Years ago I read that everyone should collect something if for no other reason than to give family and friends something small and in many cases inexpensive to always be on the look out for you for birthday, Christmas and special occasion gifts. What to get him/her forever solved. For a long time I collected elephants and still receive one or buy one for myself occasionally. A year or so ago I started collecting these little beaded zipper-pull girls, my first, the leggy French girl holding the Eiffel Tower in her hand and wearing the white mini-dress. Each one is just as unique and lovely and they are a lot less expense and trouble than collecting real live girls.
I have been accused, more than once, of maintaining a literal harem. It is not true though there are in my body of dear friends, lady friends as well. And I know that many believe that it is impossible for men and women to just be friends. I whole-heartedly disagree, for my first true friend was a dear and special woman, my mother and though I never had sisters I have thought of all women as my sisters and tried to treat them each as a beloved mother or sister. Friendship with any level of intimacy is a difficult balance to maintain. Often one or the other and not both wish the bond were more than it is. So what, the chemistry is not always apparent to both for a host of reasons but often what we see and love in another is so apparent to us that we except the relationship with limits honoring the other or are perhaps the one with limits ourself. True love, I think allows the other to have and to define their own experience. Not only does “No” mean no, but “this far and no further” does not need to mean complete rejection. Sadly though, we are often unwilling to share the affections of another with anyone else and this is always a problem. If we cannot except that the one we love is free to love others we will be tormented and they too. It is said, that jealousy is as deep and cold as the grave. And indeed many relationships are buried because of it and not just because of sexual indiscretions but too often “lover” means “smother” and even friendships and family affection is viewed by one or the other as a threat. No one should be asked or allowed to shun all their family and friends for a wife, a husband or a lover.
There is a Bible verse the meaning of which has often been misconstrued I think. I, too often probably did myself. Of marrying it his written, “For the which cause a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.” Cleaving is fine but totaling leaving is unnecessary and uncalled for. Sure a couple should have their own space and their own separate life but family and friends are a part of who we are and it is a package deal or should be. True friendships or loves should never be a threat to our being loved but a proof of our ability to make room in our hearts for others. “Love me, love my dog” comes to mind, or the stereotype of spouses having trouble with in-laws, mother-in laws and father in-laws especially. Jealousy is usually the culprit and often “who do you love best” is the problem. We need to settle that question once and for all, by loving ourselves best and everyone else a close second. Or as Bill Shakespeare, I think, put it, “Be true to you own self and you can be false to no one.” I updated the language a bit, taking out the “thine”, “thou”, and “canst.” But I hope the meaning stayed true – it is all really about you, this love thing. People who truly love themselves first, never have a problem with where they fall on someone else’s love list for they have nothing to prove, but are happy to love and accept each and all wherever they are and wherever they are seated at the table. Well, that is my skewed view at least. I am not giving up on anyone and I hope you, my friends, will not give up give up on me.
Your friend and fellow traveler,