Blog 634 – 05.16.2017
Love The One Your With

A Motown song from my youth had these wonderful spot on words of advice, “If you can’t be with the one you love, Honey, love the one you’re with.” And who are you with twenty four seven? Who is your constant companion in this journey we call life? Why, you, of course. I can still remember being a shy, backward little boy whose whole world was his Mama. Having to start school at five years old (I turned six almost three months after starting the first grade) was one of the most traumatic times of my life. My Mama was Goddess and the center of my world and though I probably did not know the words at the time my little boy’s heart cried out every morning at school, “My God, My God why have you forsaken me.” If you think I exaggerate you did not know that pitiful little boy.

There is in each of us I think a child that needs to be loved every minute of every day. My Mama couldn’t do that for me nor any of the girl friends, wives or lovers that I have known in my life. My children, none of my family or friends can love me like that. It is not their job. It is God’s and mine. If you do not believe in God per say work with me here and try to think of God as just your higher best self. It works for me. So when I think of that song lyric I quoted in the beginning of this piece I am not saying grab the nearest person and love them. Although except for the grabbing part that too is always a good idea but who is nearer than you? Do you love yourself? Well, you ought to and life is never going to be fun and enjoyable most of the time if not twenty four seven until you do.

The self help writter, Louise Hay, says that most if not all of our problems stem from not loving ourselves enough. And yes, I have heard people say some people love themselves too much. That is never true for you can never love anyone or anything too much. That desparate need isn’t love really but some kind of insatiable craving to fill a perceived emptiness that we feel because we do not love ourselves enough. That little boy that was a basket case without his Mama had not learned to love himself enough. When at seventeen and a little over a year later that he tried to take his own life because a girl he loved picked another boy over him, he still had not learned to love himself enough. I think, truth be told, that he spent at least sixty years learning to love himself enough to be comfortable in just his own company.

I hear people say all the time, “I don’t like to eat alone or go to the movies by myself.” Not me, at least not anymore, I love my own company, and I am a cheap and fun date. I can honestly say that I don’t believe anybody in the world loves me better or more consistently than I love myself. In my crazy or at least slightly skewed mind I really think learning to love one’s self is key and makes us capable of loving others better. It is so much easier to give to others when we are not trying to get something out of them. And I know we all feel a need to be recognized and loved by others but it need not be that panicky I’m just gonna die if I don’t get my daily fix of “Love me, please love me” pitiful kind.

I close as I began, “If you can’t be with the one you love, Honey, love the one you’re with.” You really are quite loveable you know.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White