Blog 605 – 04.17.2017

When Someone Dies

A dear friend and former classmate of mine has taken it upon himself to be the bearer of sad news and informs many of our friends and classmates by email of the deaths of people we know and love in our hometown of Chattanooga, Tennessee and the surrounding area. Eddie visits a lot in the local hospitals and funeral homes and though he is not an ordained minister he has quite a ministry dealing with sickness and death and comforting those loved ones of the dearly departed. Eddie has found something of use to do when someone dies.

It is curious that some of us even who have seen several loved ones pass still act as if we don’t know quite what to do when someone dies. Many of us have had numerous first aid and CPR classes in how to save a life but not much training at all as to what we should do or say when someone dies. It is something we all have to face and yet we like that river in Africa are in denial of that sure and certain fact. From a boy for many years I used to kneel by my bed at night and recite a little prayer that I think Captain Kangaroo taught me, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the LORD my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the LORD my soul to take.” But even that little prayer, sweet as it is, does not tell us how to deal or what to do when someone we care about dies.

Most people wear long faces, talk in whispers, and say things like, “I am so sorry for your loss.” But that is because they like most of us don’t know what to do or say when somebody dies. I mean really they ought to teach a class on it but don’t hold your breath for if you cannot get people to agree on basic sex education curriculum how to deal with death training is unlikely to be on the course list in schools soon.

That being said I would like my friend Eddie to be of use in this matter with some basic instruction in what to do when somebody dies. First share funny stories about the deceased. Mark their passing with a party, celebrate their life. No one ever dies who is remembered. I happen to believe that each of us is remembered by our Designer/Creator and that whatever death is it is not the end. But everyone doesn’t see it that way. Respect people’s thinking and feelings at the time of their loss of a friend or loved one but get them sharing about the beloved if you can by sharing something you remember and asking questions. Listen, like a life depended on it for it does. Too many people are tempted to quit living when someone that they love dies. It is so easy to get stuck. We all need a little help to learn to deal with life without that friend or family member. True friends are family members. And that is what we do when family dies we step up and shoulder a little more of the load that they had helped carry for us. It behooves each of us older ones to always be making new and younger friends or we run the sad risk of outliving all our family and friends. I don’t know about you but I plan on having a crowd at my send off and I hope someone leads them in a cheer, “Party on dude!” For a long time my life philosophy has been that of Muppet Band leader, Doctor Teeth, “There’s a party all the time for them that choose.” Well, now you know my dying request, and my advise as to how to deal with death – Party on dudes, say a fond “see you later” and bon voyage to the dearly departed and keep on keeping on, living, for life is for living.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White