​Blog 532 – 02.01.2017
Corporal Punishment

Like many of you I have opinions on the issues of the day. Some you may agree with others not so much. I have changed many of my opinions over a lifetime and I think that is a sign of growth and again some of you may disagree. When my first child, my daughter Emily, was  born I was attending a very narrow fundamentalist Christian church that taught against it seems more things that it taught in favor of. Though claiming to be the place every where love abounded there was a lot more judgement than love in my opinion. We were taught “spare the rod and spoil the child.” I regret everytime that I ever spanked my sweet Emily. If I could take those spanking back I would. Emily left this world for a better one almost five years ago. I asked her to forgive me for those spankings and they were few and far between because she tried so hard to please. I do not believe there is any excuse for an adult hitting a child, anymore than I think it acceptable for a man to hit a woman or a woman a man for that matter. Violence it seems always creates more violence.

By the time my second child was born in my fortieth year my mind was more open to other ways of correcting a child. My son Jonathan was never spanked. His mother and I agreed to have “Time out” and talk to him. I can hear my friends who believe in corporal punishment saying “You spoiled that child and you will be sorry you did not spank his behind.” I am proud of both my children and I know I am not a perfect father but I hope Jonathan knows that you do not have to hit a child to correct their behavior. He told us once when he was an older teen that he wished we had spanked him. Ego lies to us and tells us we deserve a good beating.

In one of my favorite movies, Unfinished Life, Jennifer Lopez plays a woman who has allowed her boyfriend to beat her. She finally has enough when her ten year old daughter tells her, “You promised if he hit you again that we’d leave.” They run away to Wyoming (I love Wyoming) where Jennifer confides in the Sheriff there, “You know why we stay? Because we don’t think we deserve any better.” But we all do deserve better. Children, women and even men deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. I remember an expression that I have heard many times in my life, “Didn’t your mother teach you that it’s not nice to hit other people.” My mother was not the most patient person in the world and she never read Dr. Spock’s baby book. Like me with Emily she thought she was doing right by her two boys. She wanted desperately for us to turn out right. Dad, on the other hand, ventured seldom into corporal punishment but would have probably looked like blatant child abuser to any trained law enforcement person. Dad, himself, even told the story of a Detroit beat cop, that cautioned him for his harsh manner with his two toddler boys. If I remember the story right, Dad said something like step inside the fence and I’ll give you some of what I’m giving them. The policeman just walked on muttering under his breath something like, expletive hillbilly. Dad loved us and he meant well but I happen to think my brother and I turned out all right in spite of corporal punishment not because of it.

Many of my peers were spanked a lot more than my brother and I were and by middle school were pretty hard characters. I don’t expect to convert any of you spanking advocates and that is not really my intention. I am just trying in my small way to spare you one of those regrets that many of us who have out lived a child know. I believe that Emily forgave me for those spankings that were honesty more for my ego than her correction. I love the attached picture of the little girl standing in the corner with her puppy keeping her company. That is punishment enough for a child and a parent. Even the puppy seems to agree. I regret ever raising a hand to my Angel Emily in anger or disapproval. Hey, this is all just my opinion on corporal punishment. But, I am entitled to it as you are to yours.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White