Blog 114 – 9.11.15

I grew up in a house divided. One of my favorite lines from a favorite author Pat Conroy in his wonderful book, Prince of Tides, has the man who is telling the story say of his parents:

In the war between my mother and
father, the only prisoners they took
we’re their children.

My parents took arguing to a new level. With them it was almost an art form. They disagreed about almost everything. I suppose it was a sort of miracle that my brother and I were even born. But then I think it is a miracle when every child is born. We have all heard the expression “One in a million.” Well, we are everyone of us that and more unique and magnificent from start to finish. We are beings who are at the same time human and divine. The Word says, “As he was so are we in this world”

But back to disagreeing. I was taught by example to argue every opinion as if it were the absolute truth. I love the line from Logic Class, “There are no absolutes. Therefore the previous statement is false, logically.” What we think or believe is true for us but when we start demanding that others accept and live by our truths then we become quite disagreeable in our disagreeing. My Mom and Dad were very disagreeable in their arguing and I grew up wanting to not “make waves” and at the same time with an inordinate desire to always be “right.” It is, I think, not just a failing of my parents but of Western Cultural with its Dualism where everything has to be labeled right or wrong, black or white, positive or negative.

I caught my self again yesterday criticizing a dear and beloved friend for being negative. But why do we think positive is always right and negative always wrong? Isn’t this, too, just a point of view. (Like the rhyme? I am a poet, the rhyming kind. Oops, I did it again. It has become a habit with me.) Always favoring a particular point of view is a habit too. And it does not mean one view is more accurate than another. If you are removing a battery from your vehicle which terminal do they suggest you remove the battery clamp from first to minimize your risk of getting shocked? Correct, in this instance negative is the correct answer. And the negative and positive factors on you blood type need to be correct or a blood transfusion could end in a negative rating for your doctor and hospital but perhaps a positive rating from the local undertaking establishment.

How does one disagree agreeably? I prefer when expressing an opinion or making a claim, to add the disclaimer, “That’s my opinion but I could be wrong.” I had a woman in restaurant who having overheard an opinion I had expressed to a dinner companion start to argue with me across the room. Before I could reply to her, her son spoke up and said, “Didn’t you hear him; he just said it was his opinion and he could be wrong?” It really does take the steam out of arguments. After all opinions are like noses, everyone has one and most of them are different.

I no longer have to be right all the time. I would rather be happy than be right. I enjoy looking at things from different angles. Sometime I even learn something new.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White