Blog 837 – 12.08.2017

Red Roses For A Blue Lady

I have used the phrase several times but still find it fits, that as a boy I loved my mother to distraction. My mother was for many years the most distracting person in my life. That I literally worshipped the ground she walked on is illustrated by a big problem I had with the Bible verse shared in Bible Class (Yes, public schools in Tennessee still had mandatory Bible Class In grades 5 through 8 in the early nineteen sixties, the Madeline Murray O’Hare U.S. Supreme Court decision banning prayer in public schools not withstanding, and Chattanooga city schools were still segregated until 1966. I did not grow up in the most progressive place and as the joke about long time Tennessee Governor, Frank Clements, went, “Frank Clements is for education that is why Tennessee is fiftieth in education.” The Governor spoke at a Chattanooga Central High chapel service that I attended. He was an educated and entertaining speaker and I sincerely believe that he like all of us really was doing the best he could with the knowledge he had at the time.

But back to that little boy who adored his mother and heard a supposedly non-denominational Bible teacher, whom we all knew was very Baptist, say to an eighth grade Bible Class in Jesus own words as recorded in red in The King James Version, the one many people believed and still do that Moses wrote and used, “Except a man hate his mother and father, he cannot be my disciple.” In Mister Frick, the Baptist Pastor’s defense I must add that he tried to say what that meant was “love less” not “hate” as it clearly stated. My response was to myself – “Well, Jesus, here is one follower you will never have because I could never hate my mama for you or your Daddy (hard period.)” A few years later I did try very hard to be a follower of the meek and lowly Jesus, and off and on, for most of the next thirty years.

There is a great line in a Western movie with a young Ronnie Howard playing a young man who gets involved with a gang of bank robbers headed up by Lee Marvin. When Lee shoots and kills a bank manager and friend of Ronnie’s completely unnecessarily during a robbery, Ronnie confronts him afterwards and Lee states simply and without emotion, “Well, I never claimed to be a follower of the meek and lowly Jesus.” I did claim that for many years and I was never a very good or consistent one. My biggest problem like many people’s was that I did not really love myself very much so I had a hard time loving Jesus or anyone else very consistently either.

I learned this lack of love for myself mostly from my mom. Oh, she tried to love me the best she could and in fact for many years I thought that I would never find anyone who would love me as much as my mama did. She had convinced me as many mothers try to convince their children the words of the great Lou Rawls song, “You’ll never find, as long as you live, someone to love you tender like I do.” But I did finally and it wasn’t Jesus or some pretty girl, heaven knows I tried him and even married four pretty girls hoping they could or would love me more than my mama. But I think I learned an important lesson that my mama never did at least in this life – there is only One who can love you the way you need to be loved and that is you – your higher self, God, the Universe if you will. Oh don’t think that I am bad mouthing mother or father love, others or my own, we all do the best we can to love our children, our parents, our friends. But that is never enough they must love themselves as we must before we can ever truly begin to love anyone else.

I tried all my life, and especially the almost fifty years of it that I shared with her to make up for the lack of love in my mama’s life. You see, she did not love herself, it was hers and all of our biggest problem. I remember as a young teen when I first heard Wayne Newton’s then hit song, “I Want Some Red Roses For A Blue Lady” that I thought of my mama. I still do every time I hear that song. Before I could every afford to buy roses I picked wild flowers for my mom and and occasionally the neighbors’ rose bushes might have been missing a few blossoms that I borrowed for her.

My mama was perpetually sad and three years after my dad died she took her own life. Dad’s love of almost fifty years, that of all her family, friends, and mine could never make up to Mama the love that she was missing – not even Jesus and the church and she was a devout believer in Jesus, Christmas, and church. You see I believe the real catch to love is to be found in Jesus new commandment – that we love God with all our heart soul and mind and love our neighbor as we love ourself. The emphasis has always been put on “God” and sometimes on, “Our neighbor” but the real test of true love is “As we love ourself.”

“Honey, if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” And I submit to you that if you can’t or don’t love the one you are with (you) that you can’t or don’t really love anyone else nearly as much as you could if you first loved you.

My mama taught me the most about love, the hard way. I hope she gets it right the next time. It is not too late for us to get it right this go round.

Your friend and fellow traveler,

David White