Blog 721 – 08.13.2017
Tending To That Inner Child

So much has been written about “tough love.” The philosophy is quite popular and practiced widely. I have never thought much of it. To me is seems life and the world are themselves quite tough enough. Does it really prepare a child or anyone to do better in the world by beating them down and forcing them to tow some line that seems often so arbitrary anyway? I don’t think so. To me it seems that love always takes you farther and makes you happier when you get there. I love the painting that is the blog picture today of a man swinging a little girl in the air. I can still remember my Uncle Joe, my dad’s younger brother, and how he loved to throw me and my younger brother up in the air. We loved it too and would wear him yelling, “Again, again” until dad, who could always yell loudest, shouted, “That’s enough.” Maybe mom and dad had stopped doing that before I can can recall but I do not remember anyone else ever throwing us up in the air. And for that reason, the focus and interest he gave us, the gifts he brought us anytime he came to see us, and mailed to us throughout our boyhoods at Christmas time he is a well remembered favorite uncle.

Middle schools is a very difficult transition for many children, that big step between elementary and high school, that tremendous leap between childhood and young adulthood. I had from my first day in first grade acted a shy and backward little boy, fearful and lost without my mommy, the one bright safe place I thought in my world. My family move three times while I was in elementary school so I attended first and second grade in one school, third and fourth in another, the fifth and sixth in yet another school. So by middle school I acted a shaky insecure mess at best. Fortunately for me, it was there I met a truly great teacher and friend who went the extra mile drawing out of me an inner calm and strength that I did not dream I possessed. In three short years he took a stammering backward acting little boy on a trip from acting shaky to acting bold and brave on the stage starring in the ninth grade spring play.

He was no football coach, yelling and threatening the best performance out of his players. He was a teacher of art and a drama coach who saw potential in and tenderly watered it till it grew in all of his assignments. He was like Ben in the John Irving inspired movie, Simon Birch. He hand picked most of his projects and I am so glad he picked me to mentor, to tutor, to teach, to coach. I am as you might guess a forever friend and fan of Donald Crane, quite famous for his love of art and uncovering beauty and the best in others fortunate enough to enter into his world.

What was I saying? Just this, “tough love” seems to me an expedient when real loving takes time and gets itself tough. Tender always does better the trick and we can never ever love too much. Just my opinion, sure, but it worked for Don and Ben and it works for me. Love to each and all.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White