Blog 479 – 11.28.2016

The Desire To Go Back To A Sweeter Simpler Time

I usually try to remind folks who express a nostalgic fondness for the past that these are the good ole days, but there are many different points of view or ways to look at something from a different angle. A grown niece recently posted on Social Media a childhood picture of herself, her sister, and their cousin – my son,  playing together when they were little. Her words with the picture were a wish to go back to those sweeter simpler times.

I responded to her words with, “Oh, Sweetie, but we parents do get to go back to the freedom and joys of childhood through our children” or words of that sort. It is a mistake to spent too much time in the past or projecting into the future. But both are useful sometimes the first for learning lessons we might have missed or gotten wrong and the second for planning and visualizing our intentions, our prayers, and thereby giving direction to our lives by giving God, the Universe, a chance to send us what we want. I know that sounds crazy to some who prefer to think like Jimmy Stewart’s character in the classic Civil War drama, Shenandoah. As the father of a large farm family it was his duty to lead the prayer of thanks before the meal but after proudly stating that he and his children had grown the crops, harvested them, prepared them, raised the cattle, slaughtered, and prepared them, there wasn’t much in his mind left to thank God for but he said “thanks anyway.”

My niece was remembering how care free they were as children. And indeed they had little to worry about as their wants were met by loving parents. What seems different is for us adults only because we have forgotten the true Parent of whom all earthly parents are just shadows. We are children ourselves. These are lessons we can re-learn watching our children grow. I have always been fascinated with the concept of time travel. Many of my favorite books, movies, and television shows have that theme. One of the most wonderful thing about children is that when we take their smaller hand in ours we are instantly transported back in time. Through our children we get to see ourselves during those early years from “the day we arrived on the planet till about aged four. Few of us recall further back than that.

I read somewhere that some social scientists say that the personality is almost completely developed by age three. That says a lot about how we should treat especially small children to insure they don’t have so much to overcome as adults but then we cannot blame how we act or our often mistaken idea of who we are on others, parents, teachers, siblings, or circumstances. One thought I recently had that relates to this is the harsh and unthoughtful way teenagers especially will say to their parents, “You don’t know me.” even though those parents knew us throuh three or four very important developmental years that we do not remember. This harsh statement is usually shouted at parents when we are about to choose a person or path that they are trying to warn us about.

The most haunting advise that my Daddy ever tried to give me was, “Son, you don’t have to make all the mistakes. You could learn from a few of mine if you just would.” But I was in “you don’t know me” mode and remember saying, I see stupidly now, “Dad you made your mistakes. Let me make mine.” He was forced to and how that breaks a parent’s heart to know a child is about to make a misstep and to be powerless to prevent it. Much of what seems like parental anger stems from that terrible frustration of not being able to pass on those hard learned lessons to our children.

I have heard parents, my own and others, say thousands of times, “You will understand this when you have children of your own.” This is why I believe we learn more from our children than we ever teach them. They are our best and brightest mirrors and one of our best reminders of Who we are. So by all means take that little hand a do a little time traveling and self discovery. Oh and if you have any real good advise or stories to share with your kids be sure to tell them early. You can hide some of the harder lessons in fairytales or bedtime stories as parents have been doing for centuries. But be advised children will listen they may not always obey but they will listen.

Oh, do enjoy your adventure in time and space.

Your friend and fellow traveler,

David White