Blog 324 – 06.24.2016

I asked the question and so I will propose one answer. One reason many of us have trouble playing well with others is that we think we have to be right all the time. Phrases like “Fight for the right”, “Stand up for the Truth”, and “Never give an inch” dominate our culture but I choose another saying: “You can be right or you can be happy. I choose happy.”

Why is it so hard for us to let someone else be right occasionally? Why do we feel it is our duty to correct everyone else’s spelling, pronunciation or math. Not to mention their political or religious views. When we think we are always right and everyone else is wrong then we are on a mission to save the world, to convert the unlearned, to educate the ignorant. And we wonder why nobody likes us.

Many years ago Dale Carnegie wrote a book called “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” Trust me there is no chapter in that book titled “Point out all their faults and errors and line them up.” Yet often we feel that is our duty especially to family and friends. And we wonder why we do not get along with either very well let alone strangers.

There is in the book a story about a letter Dale wrote as a young man to a famous author. The young Dale trying to impress the author used a phrase he thought sounded impressive and the author wrote back castigating him (chewing him out) for his impertinence (forwardness). This very critical remark really stung the young writer and Dale went on to write that many years later when he read in the paper that the famous author had died he was ashamed to admit that a smile crept across his face. No one truly enjoys being criticized. Love over looks a multitude of sins. The true definition of sin is “missing the mark.” All have missed the mark and none enjoy having their errors pointed out.

One more Bible verse for those of you who believe those words are more true or somehow more right than others: “It is better to dwell on the roof top than with a contentious woman” (and I add or man). Being critical or contentious all the time, thinking you have to always be right, will isolate you and if you live long enough you will end up one of those grumpy old or young people that complains that nobody ever comes to see them.

You can be right or you can have friends and family that love to be around you. You can be right or you can be happy. Still feel the need to correct someone? Correct yourself but be kind and gentle about it even with yourself because most if not all of our problems stem from not loving ourselves enough. The best course is to accept others and yourself just as you are and look for the best in everyone. Find something to brag about because everyone loves a compliment. When we learn to do that we too can write our own book on how to win friends and influence people and how to get along.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White