Blog 283 – 04.28.2016

I see a great mystery in life. Unsolicited advise comes at us from all directions while sought after advice is hard to find. When a friend asked me this morning to suggest a certain course to another of our friends and prefaced her request with, “He really respects you.” I was reluctant to refuse her. But my saner self prevailed and I answered her, “I am a believer that individuals know best what is best for themselves. Therefore we should be sparing with our advice and try to limit it to things like: Did you know your pants were on fire or that you were about to step off into a deep hole.” Anything else might be construed as meddling.

And why would we want to meddle in someone else’s life? Haven’t we enough to take care of managing our own? I think so and I assure you our friends think so too. I had a good friend once that had a saying for would be advice givers and advice takers that fits here. “If you rub a blister you are going to have to sit on it.” In other words since you are going to have to live with the consequences, you should make your own decisions and allow others to do the same.

Friends best gift to their friends is that of a sounding board, a listening ear. Psychiatrists and counsellors know that and let people talk because the best council, ideas, and advice come out of our own mouths when we talk about a problem or a proposition.

Wise and successful business men and women surround themselves with people smarter than themselves. And those wise associates offer advice sparingly and only when asked for it because they know the best ideas that the boss ever has are his and come out of his own mouth if not mind. Sometimes even a not so wise boss who hears an idea or suggestion several time will mull it over but rest assured it is only a great idea when he or she utters it. Women have used this subtle technique on their husbands and children for years.

Love is gentle. Love is kind. Even a trickle of love like water can break through a thick wall when a army might fail. One of the best prefaces for advice is a remark similar to this: “I know you are a smart and resourceful person and whatever you decide I will back you but have you considered…” Don’t act surprised if they do not take your great advice either but if it suggested gently and respectfully they are more likely to at least consider it.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White