Blog 276 – 04.19.2016

I saw a picture recently that was so typical of life today. Everyone was sitting around the living room and almost everyone was looking at their phones except Grandma. The caption on the picture was: “One day you’ll look up from your phone and Grandma and your parents will be gone.”

It is a common complain of older people that young people spend too much time looking at their phones. But, older people tend to forget what they were really like when they were young. They have what I have come to think of as a nostalgic romanticized idea of days gone by. It may have been phonograph records, the radio, TV, or an old style phone attached to their ear like another appendage but kids have never been respectful of older people nor anxious to hear their stories for the umpteenth time. Get some new material grandma. We adults don’t listen to them as children and we want to do all the talking, mainly, “Don’t do this and don’t to that.” Oh, we mean well and are trying to spare them our own hard learned lessons but we did not want to hear that from our parents or grandparents and neither do they.

A beloved friend just this morning gave me some advise in the only appropriate way if your really hope to get it across. It was couched between a couple of sincere compliments and the ever important “Whatever you choose I’m sure it will work out for the best.” I followed the suggestion and changed one word to a less shocking and hopefully offensive word in a future blog. The last thing I want is to turn people off. I know my opinions, my words, my blogs will never please everyone but I never intend to alienate or offend even one friend or fan. If I have do let me know so I can apologize and publicly if need be.

Children remember our own lack of listening and as soon as they are old enough to be really rude they pay us back for our inattention by not listening to us. Smart grandparent’s learn from their mistakes with their children and often have a closer relationship with their grandchildren and know them sometimes even better than they do their kids or their kids do their kids because they pay their grandkids the highest honor any human can pay to another – they listen.

There is a great song called Cats In The Cradle, a sad song about missed opportunities. The busy dad in the song keeps saying to his son’s question: When you coming home, Dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Son. We’re gonna have a good time then.” The son then says he’s going to be just like his dad and he grows up to be. The last chorus of the song says: “When you coming home, Son? I don’t know when. But we’ll get together then, Dad. we’re gonna have a good time then.”

It is, too easy to blame technology, to blame the younger generation. They are but mirrors of the previous generation reflecting back at us the things we like least about ourselves. We teach by example. My dad used to say to me: “Don’t do as I do. Do as I say.” And I remember saying when I was older, “What you do speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you are saying.” If you failed to listen to your children please listen to your grandchildren and thereby teach them the greatest gift we have to give is not our money but our time and attention. A phone even a smart phone can’t do that for you no matter how hard you stare at it.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White