Blog 178 – 12.7.15

It is somewhat laughingly said of President Theodore Roosevelt that he had to be the center of attention so much that if he went to a wedding that he had to be the bride. I would like to use that quip as a launching pad in a discussion about misguided brides.

There is a popular reality show about Bridezillas, a term used to refer to women about to be married who are so obsessed with the idea of “the perfect wedding” that they make life hell for all involved. I have some anecdotal experience with weddings having played the groom in four and been a part of the wedding party in several others.

For sometime now any time I hear of pending nuptials my pat unsolicited advice is the same, “DON’T DO IT” (Caps intended) I figure if anyone can be talked out of such a life changing event they ought to be. If I cannot talk them out of it I offer them my best wishes for a happy and successful union. But frankly the odds are against them. But why? In two words – unrealistic expectations.

Fairy tales that end with a couple kissing “and they lived happily ever after” are plentiful but when does that happen?  I mean apart from in fairy tales. Most of even the long lasting marriages I have seen seem more like “people living lives of lonely desperation” than happily ever after.
Guys get married mainly to have plenty of sex and women to have a Prince Charming sweep her off her feet with tender romance. Both men and women think they are incomplete and need a “soul mate” to make them whole. Only God can be your completing counterpart and to expect that of any personality is to set yourself up for disappointment and to lay on them a soul crushing burden they cannot possibly carry or you.

I believe as long as two people are headed in the same direction and choose to walk together and be a comfort to one another that can be a beautiful thing but “soul mates” and trying to be someone else’s “all in all” or you theirs it just doesn’t work. Only God/the Universe can be, All in All. And to try to be that for someone else or to expect them to be it for you is a fool’s errand destined to failure and disappointment.

Someone has said that worry is taking on responsibility that belongs to God. I think the true meaning of the expression “In love” can only be realized in a love relationship with LOVE Himself.

Having said that I don’t expect to win many converts. I love a good love story as much as anyone but to me all love stories no matter how pretty and with the promise of “happily ever after” are only echoes of the One True Love Story of God and Man. God is the Groom and we individually and collectively are His Bride. Now that’s a love story I can get my heart and mind around and truly believe in happily ever after.

Your friend and fellow traveler,
David White