Blog 150 – 10.29.15

As a young child and man I worshipped my mother. That is not unusual as most boys and men do. Much of my early training came through my mother and I am continuing to learn things from my mom today even though she has been gone fifteen years.

My mother as most of us was affected by the experiences of her life. As all of us she made some choices in her young life that she regretted and was made to feel a lot of guilt and shame that caused her to think herself unworthy and unattractive. My mother was a beautiful woman and as worthy of love and adoration as is everyone. My mother’s big problem and in fact the biggest problem that most of us deal with is that she did not love herself enough to forgive her own missteps.

As a boy I was taught the JOY formula to happiness – Jesus (or God) first, then Others, and lastly yourself. I believe this is bass ackwards. Yes, I meant ass backwards. You cannot truly love anyone else even Jesus or God unless you love yourself, I am reminded of the MoTown love song that unashamedly said, “If you can’t be with the one you love, Honey, love the one you’re with.” The one you are with 24/7, 365 days a year, and all the days of you life is you. And if you don’t love your self you are a broken person unable to really love anyone else or allow anyone else to love you.

I grew up trying to please my Mama – an impossible task but I tried with all my heart. My mother was an unhappy person. Most of her life or for at least forty seven years she blamed her unhappiness on my dad. Three years after dad died my mother took her own life. Life had just become unbearable to her. I remember thinking that once dad was gone and she had no one else to blame she had to admit as we all do sooner or later that we are responsibly for the shape our life is in. If you don’t like where you are move. If you don’t like your job change jobs. If you don’t like yourself change. This world is what you make it. Your thoughts, words, and actions (in that order) create your experience. Your attitude, your thinking is probably 90% of your life. Another 9% is the words you say. And your actions and reactions about 1%. We think most of us, most of our lives that our actions are everything and we judge others and ourselves (We shouldn’t) by theirs and our on actions but God looks on the intent, motives, thoughts of our heart.

My mama did not learn to love herself very much this go round but by watching her efforts to love me and others with that severe handicap I came to see she did the very best she could. I think it is a great lesson for all of us to learn about others and ourselves. Oh, perhaps we could all do better but not without really loving ourselves. Do yourselves and everyone else a favor and try to see everyone as God does through eyes of unconditional love and acceptance.

Your friend and fellow traveler, Alene Davidson White’s boy,
David White